Experiencing Greatness

It has come to my realization that people in general feel that they must have the material things in order to be accepted as individuals. There are so many people out there that are far greater than they give themselves credit for. What they need to remember is that they are not what they have is what they hold inside that matters most. Although it is true that you need those material things in order to just be, however once the spirit is broken nothing will replace it yet the material things can be bought again and again.

I remember when I came to Canada with $50 in my pocket between my sister and I and although I have failed a few times since, I rose again and again. I give that credit to the people around me as they have lifted me and helped me see my strengths and greatness in me.My last failure was picking the bad apple to be my life partner where in return he left me broke and having to live in a shelter with my two children. There are days I still feel broken and I still resent myself for not being able to see what he was about before it went the wrong route. Live and learn some might say, yet I feel that I need to take the blame and move on. I certainly do not want to have to go thorough the same situation again so I fight daily to go forward. It is not easy to be in a battle with life the way I am yet I feel that I have also accomplished a lot since. Three years ago I was so unhappy and crying daily not knowing what is going to happen to me and my children. The anniversary of when it all became "reality" and saw what the other person was capable of is around the corner. I have bitter sweet feeling towards it. I celebrated last year by going out to dinner on my own and reflecting on what I have become and where do I want to go. As it was stated in the movie "Antoine Fisher" I say to myself at times: "I'm still standing! I'm still strong!" Truth of the matter is that I am strong and that my life experiences, however bad they were, did not prevent me from being me. Yes, I have fears and I am scared! Yes, I feel that things should've been different today should I have not made bad decisions! Yet, it is the past that crafted me to the woman and mother that I am today!

I am living proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that life doesn't end when crisis arises, it only shifted me in a different direction and many times over it was teaching me a lesson.

Watching the video below it prompted me to see that I am not the only one who have been slapped by life and many other people have had it worst than me. I am sure you can relate.

 

Remember: You're still standing! You're still strong! 

Shimider Fistula: Obstructed Labour

Habiba Cooper Diallo at the Word On The Street 2011 

In honor of Black History Month I am going to write a book review written by a young aspiring writer Habiba Cooper Diallo. At the age 15 Habiba has traveled around the world a few times and her love for her ancestors is  remarkable. 

The book in review,  Shimider Fistula: Obstructed Labour, written by Habiba Cooper originally started as an 8th grade short story writing assignment. When speaking with Habiba about inspired her to write such story, this is what she had to say:

Obstetric fistula is a childbirth driven illness that results from an obstructed labour. The physical effects it has on the mother includes incontinence, genital ulceration, nerve damage and infections that can ultimately result in death if not treated. The baby is almost always still born due to lack of oxygen during labour. Fistula also has many extreme social and psychological implications. Most women affected by it are ostracized and abandoned by their communities due to the sever conditions it leaves them in, notably incontinence. This gives rise to psychological issues and many women resort to suicide. However, what is most disheartening about it all is that  obstetric fistula is a completely preventative illness. The women who are fistula patients lack adequate health care facilities. I was inspired to become an advocate for the issue about 4 years ago when I read an article about a young girl, Anafghat Ayouba, who suffered an obstetric fistula . Her story was very heart-rending this today I am passionate about creating public awareness about the issue to see the eradication of fistula.   

Habiba has been speaking on this issue through her soon to be released book during the Word On The Street 2011 Festival  . She captured the audience while reading her story with a great passion for this issue. The story is based in Ethiopia and it describes the journey of a woman who is pregnant and, while accompanied by two youngens, a boy and a girl, she is finally making it to the hospital to deliver the baby who has died on the way before she got the chance to give birth. Although the woman has a great chance at attaining medical attention for her obstetric fistula which she acquired through her painful labour, many women from these part of the world are not aware of the medical attention that they can receive to prevent and treat obstetric fistula. Generally women live in shame and segregated by the other citizen often living with a stigma of shame. 


The fact that someone as young as Habiba, a 15 years old, had taken upon herself to talk about this issue so openly it is a reason to admire today's youth. I hope to see a change and I am confident that her book will create the awareness needed for us to talk about this issue that women in under developed countries are facing in today's society. Please stay tuned for the upcoming book. Details to follow. Until then, if you would like to know more about fistula you can check out this link from The Fistula Foundation.


If you are wondering why I used this topic to talk about for the Black History Month well, here is why:

• Habiba is a very involved African/Caribbean/Canadian youth in the issues pertaining not only to fistula but to the Black history in general.
• Fistula is an issue predominantly taking place in  sun-Saharan Africa and Asia.

D. 

Experiencing "Different"

The other day I was in the subway station rushing to make it on time for an appointment. From a distance I noticed how there was a woman asking for directions left, right and center. Everyone she would ask would reply with an "I don't know!". By the time the subway came she asked about five people for directions and how she should go about reaching her destination. As the subway approached the station everyone started to ignore her and were rushing to get in while moving on with their lives. The woman asking for directions got frustrated and started screaming at everyone, me included, that how come no one is willing to take the time to show her the way. By that time the subway doors were closing and she was left in agony at the subway stop. Slowly slowly she would become smaller and smaller but her pain was still immense as she was standing there with her hands holding her face and she was probably crying. I felt responsible and she was on my mind after that. I took the subway back to see if she was still there asking for help. She wasn't there anymore.  She vanished into the unknown.

I am still thinking of this woman and how difficult must have been for her. Her English wasn't all that good either. I remember when I came to Canada seventeen years ago and how tough it was for me too. I didn't understand what people were saying and that was frustrating enough. I was isolated because I was somewhat afraid of getting lost in the unknown. How would I be able to get home after that? It was scary!

As a society we have become so isolated into our own worlds that we fail to take the time to lend a helping hand to strangers. Media had made us believe that everyone is bad and all of that just made us feel more isolated. We fail to think that that lost person could be us someday. Just imagine being in a place where the language and people are unfamiliar. How difficult it could be! How scary! If we just try to put ourselves in other people's shoes we realize that helping someone could also mean that we help ourselves. We gain a lot more from helping others rather than ignoring opportunities of supporting each other. The world will be a better place if we take the time to show compassion. It will be returned to us in more ways than we can possibly think of.

I encourage everyone to take the time to help at least one person that asks for help. Analyze how it feels. Do not look at reward from that same person as they might pay it forward to someone else, do it just because you are training yourself in the art of helping others. After some time stop and look at how much you gained out of this experience. You might be surprised to find out that you have also receive help from someone else and it felt good. Do it! Just Do It!

Practice Love!

D.

Experiencing the good life!

  

Last Sunday I have decided to provide my oldest daughter with a small taste of the good life! What many people don't understand about my children is that although it seems that they are spoiled, I teach them about life while they are experiencing it. I noticed how my oldest is having a lot of inquiries regarding the "good life" so I decided to take her in for a spin.

We were already Down Town Toronto so I thought it would be best if her and I would start with an early lunch together, outside of the house. We went to Sushi Inn in Yorkville so that she can experience food from a different culture (Japan ) and most importantly a culture that had been talked about in the media lately due to the tragic Earthquake and Tsunami. As soon as the waiter came with the food at our table (and no, she did not have sushi) my daughter wanted to try using the chopsticks, something she is not necessarily good at. It was hilarious to see her trying to manage the two wooden sticks while the rice was practically going back in her plate. We couldn't stop laughing!

Sarah having her miso soup

Sarah trying to manage two chop sticks 

She decided to go with one...

And she got it! 

In the end she decided to use the chopsticks her own way and eventually use a fork. I guess the good life is the life that one makes for her/himself, just as she did. 

Embracing Life Experiences

Don't cry because it's over

Smile because it happened 

(I am not entirely sure who said that) 

First time I heard that was about a year ago, when one of my really good friends now said that to me while it was her last day at work. I was really sad that she was about to leave as she was my life line there. I am definitely happy that my time at the work place I was working at then is long over and believe it or not I am smiling at the whole experience. 

Think about it, if it wasn't for that work place I would have never had the opportunity to meet her. At the same time I would have never learned about the importance of employee appreciation at work.

There are many times in life we go through different experiences. What it is hard to realize, for most of us, is that we are there for a reason and that is to learn, to grow. As we break through these experiences we learn a lot about ourselves and the people around us. In business we learn about who we can trust to be our partners and who we can feel more comfortable working with. In personal life we learn about who we can trust with our everyday lives, our secrets. 

With that being said, next time you are in a situation where you feel you have no idea why you are there, start looking for the reason as there is always one. Ask yourself what are you supposed to learn from that experience. There is always something to take away from it although some things are better off left behind.  

Love.

D. 

This song is for all the people that feel that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

IT GETS BETTER! STAY STRONG!

In the news!

I have followed the news lately and I was quite happy with the results. I usually do not follow the news broadcast hour as it passes on appalling information and I am not interested in twisted reality. However I have to admit that what has happened in Egypt recently it was and still is good news.

I was taken back a few years when I was back home in Romania and going through a similar scenario. On December 18, 1989 the people’s revolution took place in Romania. I remember the day when it was announced on the radio and as I was hearing the news cast giving us the news about what it was happening at that time I was having mixed feelings as I wasn’t entirely sure if I was allowed to express myself freely.  Here is how I grew up, just an insight so that you will know why I was feeling the way I was on that day:

• We were not allowed to vote and if we were voting there was no other choice but the Communist Party;
• ·         We were not allowed to express how we felt or say out loud what we thought of our rights;
• ·         Artists, writers, poets, newscasts and any other outspoken people were tortured and killed for speaking their minds and demanding their rights ;
• ·         School curriculum was washed out to the  point that we did not know what our real history was;
• ·         Religion was practiced at our own risk and if we wanted to be a part of certain careers such as army or medicine for example we were forced to take an oath that that person and all members of the family will not be entering a church or practice religion of any form;
• ·         Women did not have rights over their own bodies. Any form of contraception was nonexistent and women were forced to have children; it did not matter whether the woman had a planned or unplanned pregnancy. As soon as the doctor would confirm a pregnancy the communist security would come to the residence and check on the woman every month until she will deliver the baby to make sure she would not have an abortion. After the baby was born however, no one cared whether the baby would have the basic necessities to survive not to mention to give them the support to strive.
• ·         Many women were forced to have underground abortions as they could not afford the baby or they might’ve been raped. Because the procedure was not done in a hospital setting many women have died as some of the men that were performing these abortions were not even close to being qualified to being doctors. Some were mechanics.  When a woman would have an underground abortion and the things turned for the worst if the doctors realized the reason why she needed assistance she was left to die in the hospital as those were the orders from the communist security.  Those incidents were supposed to teach other women a lesson.
• ·         Food was not existent in the stores. Although we had the advantage of appreciating fruits and vegetables that were in season, we couldn’t even buy simple things on a daily basis such as bread, eggs , milk and cheese to name a few. When we were lucky enough to have some of these foods in the stores there were huge line-ups and in some cases a few people died while in the line-ups because they were just too hungry. People became wild and they were walking on everyone to that would stand in their way from feeding their families.
• ·         Clothes and shoes were somewhat of a rarity as well. We would have to know someone that knows someone that knows someone in order to be able to buy regular clothing, nevermind brand names.  Most of the times we would wear hand-me-downs from older cousins and/or neighbours. Fortunately we didn’t have the media to make us jealous of what others would have and we couldn’t even get to see up close and personal.
• ·         I remember growing up my mother telling me how I will get in trouble for asking so many questions. I would always want to understand everything and not just accepting what others would tell me. Yes, I was a rebel from long time but that was a bad thing growing up!

These here are just a few examples of what went on during the Communist Regime from my memory as a child. My heart sure goes out to the people in Middle East right now and I sure hope they will take the democracy seriously and not become victims of the system again.

Not having the right to speak up/express ourselves in itself is a violation of human rights.

Not having to basic essentials is a violation of human rights.

Peace be with you! 

All grown up

Yesterday, as I went to pick up my children from the daycare, I had a wake up call: my kids are all grown up!




My oldest daughter, Sarah, is acting like a little lady and a pre-teen all in one. Yes, she's a package! She wants to have the privilege of being a little lady when it comes to making decisions for her. At the same time she does not know what the best decision to make is. I believe that children her age still need guidance in order to make the best decision. She also is a little hesitant in accepting consequences. She believes that there shouldn't be any! As a parent, I am a firm believer that children should have the option to make their own decisions in SOME cases. There are however situations when she does not have a say in the matter, especially when it comes to her safety. What I hate the most is that some people like to come in and tell me what is the decision for her to make and what is not...that is for ME to decide as I know best especially when it comes to her personality. My only fear is that I may fail at being a good parent. I was watching a show last night and the teenage boy in that show was a good kid and the mother (single mother just like me) was trying the best she could but she still was making mistakes as to the decisions of disciplining she was choosing to follow. Will I know what to do when the time comes fro me to raise a teenager? I guess time will tell!



My youngest daughter, Maya, had moved from the toddler room to the junior preschool room in the daycare. I went to the toddler room and I am not seeing her there. I ask about her and the care taker tells me that she had not returned for the day when she went visiting the preschool room. A feeling of joy mixed with sadness had filled my heart. Really? Where did the time go? I went to the preschool room and as I am there looking at her enjoying herself I just wish that she will stay the same, but that means I am being selfish. Is it wrong to not want my children to grow up? She is giving me hugs and kisses all the time. She sees me as the center of her world. Would that change as she will grow? May be but I do love my children enough to allow them to grow and not just in age. I know that I will miss the hugs, the kisses, the closeness, the need to have mommy close by and all of that good stuff that I am getting now from my children. Maya is still allowing me to enjoy all the things that a baby is giving their mother although Sarah is all grown up and wanting her independence. What I know for sure that as babies and as grown women my children will bring me the satisfaction of being their mother as they will grow themselves and different stages will show up, sometimes unannounced.



I love my children; anyone that knows me well enough will know this. I love the fact that they are in my life to allow me to parent them, to teach them and to help them grow. I feel blessed to be able to be a parent, the best one that I know how. I feel blessed to teach my children what I know and be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on and laugh with them when we all share our good memories.



And the memories together will be the ones that I am blessed to have because I am their mother.



D.

Who am I?

This thought I have had in my head for a while now and I need to get it out before I SCREAM it out: I don't believe in people having to be judged by the families they were blessed to be born in. What do I mean by that? When people meet each other they often look at the other's family to see if that other person is suitable to become a mate or even a friend. Truth is, I am somewhat offended by this matter. Why? Because there are so many mixes in my family that I don't even know where I fit sometimes.

On my mother's side of the family I have some great people that have thought me the basics on survival and how to make it in Canada although most of them have never even been in a plane to get here themselves. They provided me with that backbone that everyone must have in order to be great human beings. My mother's side of the family was very close and showed affection towards me growing up. While spending time with them I could be myself and although there was occasional bugging it was never with poor taste. I remember many times while spending summers at my aunt's place in the village and how she was making me work so hard but at the end she always made sure she gave me money and the tears that were coming out of her eyes were just too much to bear so I would cry too wishing I never had to go back home even though I miss my home so much. The memories that I have made while with my mother's side of the family are the same memories I wish my children would experience at least in a day of their life time. At the same time there are some mess-ups that are part of my loving family from my mother side that were ( they are dead now) alcoholics. The fights that I have seen taking place while my uncle was drunk, I had made a vow to myself to never endure such thing from anyone I am with. I have learned how to survive in this world and how to stay true to myself because of the loving side of my mother's family but I have also learned that whenever I mate with someone I do not like and approve of the overdose of the alcohol consumption. I am an occasional drinker and that is good enough for me. The first time in my life I got drunk I was 27 during my birthday party. Many of the people that came to my birthday party have bought me a drink. There were about 30 people and after the first 7 have got me drinks, I don't remember much, in fact most of the memories are from pictures and from what my friends have told me. Everyone had called me the next day to tell me that they wish to see me drunk again as I am a happy drunk. I didn't get drunk since, I did get tipsy though and I do know when to stop. I got drunk recently while I was at my friend's house, but let's just leave that there as I was responsible enough not to drive under the influence and I know my friend will not let me do that either.

On my father's side of the family there are some people that I miss not keeping in touch with but most of them I was not that much associated with as there was this distance between them and I am not referring to kilometers. My father was never around much when I was a child, he was working as a sailor and that kept him away from us most of the days. And even those days he was home he wasn't around much especially as I got older, he always had to go somewhere partying and keeping up appearances he did not have. He was also a womanizer trying to screw every woman that was alive and he never hid it from my mother and she had to endure it because "those were the times" as she always says. A recent side of my father that I have discovered since he was away for about 10 years as he moved to Canada, is that he is racist beyond words and he is an abuser as he abused me in more than one way, and I am not ready to go into details at the moment. I always felt as an outsider when I was around my father's side of the family. The positive side is that my father is the one that thought me how to read and write, math and how to use my critical thinking. He always kept his word when he made a promise and he loved to dance with me. One of my cousins, unfortunately he is dead now, was the person that I was looking forward to seeing and spending time with when I was around this side of the family. Everyone else was just too much for me to handle. I remember times when I used to beg my mother not to go visit my father's mother because she would always wine about something and she would favor my other cousins. That was not the environment I wanted to be in but she would always make me go even though tears were coming down my cheeks begging her to change her mind. Now, if I know myself well enough to say that although I do have faults the part that I took from my father's side is the positive way I spend with my children teaching them the love of books and to keep their word. We also dance a lot.

So, to analyze myself, I can say that I have taken many good and bad attitudes from both my parents but does that mean that I have to be compared to them? I don't think so as I am an individual and I am not them or the family that I come from. I am definitely not an alcoholic and I am not a distant person. I am not an abuser and I have never cheated on someone I have been with. I have, however become this woman that does not care too much for a relationship as I have been through trials and tribulations with my past relationships and, unlike my mother, I do not believe in "the times" being the way they might be as I have taken myself away from two relationships where children were involved because I refused to be in the same situation as she was. Just as my mother, I have accomplished many things when it comes to survival. Coming to Canada alone has given me the tools to survive in any situation I am in and, as one of my friends says all the time, "I'm not too proud to beg" either. I can definitely keep up appearances that I DO have. I do take time to spend with my children and I make sure that I tell them I love them on a daily basis.

If there is ever an occasion arising, where you might meet me, do me a favor and don't ask me about my family unless you  are ready to hear the truth. And don't judge me by their life as I am NOT them. A piece of advice: get to know ME first. See who I AM. See what I AM about and then and actually not even then judge me. I am sure that if I get to turn the tables around the story is not better off than mine so think again before wanting to know so much. Take your time!

Love, D.

New Challenges

Last night I started writing about how last year, around this time, I took this trip away from the ordinary for 24 hours and how amazing it was. I decided to change the subject today and talk about something else: love.

What is love anyways? I never understood love. I was watching this documentary about love and how we need to love ourselves and let the love of God guide us on what love is. I have followed these women talk about love and although many of them seemed happy, some of them were quite disappointed I could say. Many of them were at the age where they did not have children although they wish they had some and it was quite possibly too late for them to even conceive. Many of them did not want to have children but they wanted to have that special someone to be around them when they are home for the lonely days. Many of the women that were showcased in the documentary were professionals and they were very successful. I guess in order for a woman to be successful she must sacrifice the family that she always dreamed of. It is a sad reality that as women we have to sacrifice so much to become someone. One thing that gets me regarding my life is when people, especially other women, judge women for the decisions that they make. From my studies I have learned that in the past women have gone through so much to be where they are today and still, we have to sacrifice and accept things or better yet, challenge things from our own lives to become who we we are intended to be.

I have made my decision earlier in life to have children and I have two beautiful and smart daughters that I am very proud of. It is very tough to be the sole parent to them and the only support that I get is my mother and my sister. I sometimes fear that someday, when they will all be grown up, my daughters will not have the tools and the knowledge to be who they are meant to be. I do the best that I know. I do the best that I can. I do MY best. I love my daughters unconditionally and I take my role as a parent serious.

As far as career goes, I am on my way to the top and although it is hard to do it in my situation I don't look at it as impossible. I look at it as challenging. And I love a good challenge, I mean after all these years I am a pro at challenges. There are many new things I am going to take on this year like following my dreams and take the necessary steps in doing so. YES! I am excited!

When it comes to relationship with that significant other...it has got to wait until that "other" will be the one to enhance my dreams and support my challenges. Being single is giving me the power to think and to move forward without having to wait for someone to be at the same level that I am. I am not saying I am closing my door but instead I am focusing on what is important. When that significant other will show up the door is unlocked. I am happy with myself, by myself. I am happy that I get to have my health and my motivation to move forward. I am happy that I am happy o.O

In conclusion, I am looking forward to the new year and what it has to offer. I am looking forward to overcoming my challenges and to be spending the time with my children. I am looking forward to spending time with my family and my friends. i am looking forward to making new friends and new relationships with people that will be meaningful. Life is beautiful and I am happy to be in it!



Love D.

Today

I am geting ready for my exam and I am totally unprepared for it. Yes, I do have a B+ average so far and that should help...That was just random.

Holidays are approaching and I am as prepared as I will ever be. I want to bring out this year the real meaning of the Holidays and not just because I am totally broke but also for the fact that I want my children to understand that REAL meaning of it. We are not going to buy any gifts and I didn't buy any as of yet. We are not expecting any gifts and I had made it clear to my friends not to bother. We are, however going to have a feast and we will be making all kinds of foods from back home. We will be baking and the kids will be included in the making of this food and we will be giving thanks to the All Mighty for providing us with the abundance of the things we will have on our table.

Just as it was growing up, we will be warming up all of the food on the morning of Christmas Day and the kids will have an opportunity to sample all the foods that we will be making. We will be going to church to say our blessings. I do not want to forget my spiritual side and I want to introduce my children to it as well. It is in fact what kept me sane all these years, I want the same for my kids.

I am soo excited for my Christmas Day! Looking forward to spending it with my family and the ones that I consider family!


Peace and Love!

D.

What is Love?

I have been asking myself this question for many years not understanding the concept of love.

I have had many people explain to me what love is supposed to be, feel or what I should expect from love. I have encountered a few occasions where I had though that I was in love. But the truth is I have never loved anyone. I have been in a few relationships lasting anywhere from 8 months to 3 years with a few dates here and there but I cannot say that I have loved any of this men. How could I? In the end I have been lied to, cheated on, treated like a second class citizen, abused to name a few. The feeling that I had for them was just an illusion, a want and a need to feel accepted and wanted by someone so I have given so much of me that I do not have anything left to give.

I have taken time to learn that the only love that matters is my love for myself and that love is the only true love. I have learned that in order for me to have the ability to love someone I have to know what love feels like and loving myself is what unconditional love is. Yes, Yes, Yes...I feel Free! I feel Liberated! I am me and I love myself. I don't know if I will really love someone the way I love myself, but what I know for sure is that in loving myself I will be ensured that I receive the love that I need and that I will not settle for substitutes. On another note, I really do not want to settle for someone that has a lot of issues to work on unless he is taking the necessary steps in working on these issues himself and start already. There is nothing worst  than meeting someone that is nowhere near starting on working on his issues and knowing how far I have come, I will not back down for anyone.

For the one that is out there meant to be MY one, I'm here doing my thing and if it happens that we meet, that would be lovely...but until then I will continue loving myself because to me, that's what love is!

D.  

Resolutions

2010 had been a year that I will never forget. Many ups and downs that I have had to deal with, many friendships made and some lost and the power of moving forward that I have come to own.

The ups and downs were just things that I have dealt with whether they were new things or things that I had to finalize and move away from. I have to say that although it had been hard, I am proud of what I have accomplished this year and one thing in particular is my "finding" of myself that I can honestly say I am happy with...myself.

Let me talk a little bit about the friendships and when it comes to the ones that I have lost, well they are lost for a good reason...expiration date had been long gone but I had forgotten to discard the people that were somewhat poison in my life. When people do not contribute to my growing I have learned that it is better to let them go and move on. I don't mean to sound cruel but if I do not take care of myself no one else is. Everyone is out there taking care of themselves and here I was taking care of everyone else but me. It is time I raise my hand and stand up. My time has come to grow. And that I will be doing.

Moving forward comes hand in hand with the issues above and also with the fact that I have learned to deal with those things first hand.

Resolutions for the new year are just a continuum of the last year's resolutions and that is for me to be ME and  have the power to know the difference.

Peace and Love.

D.

Starting new

I feel that I need to bring about new changes, new beginnings and new things in my life.

Throughout my entire life I have done so many different things in order to make money; things like working in a field picking fruits from the trees and vegetables off the ground; to working as a waitress in my father's pizza parlor; to working on high end salons as a hairdresser; to working as a childcare provider; to being involved in social service sector assisting with diverse aspects implementing tasks such as fundraising, developing, coordinating, outreaching and facilitating programs in order to assist clients facing various issues. Many of the people that know me well can testify to the different places I have been throughout my life and many can say that I have done my job well. The latter task I was involved in felt natural to me: Helping people is something that I can honestly say I am good at and I do it even if it means working extra hours and at times I have done it for less than pennies. Even though I was left broke, at the end of the day it felt good to know that someone's life had been changed for the better because of my influence. 


Now it is time for me to move on to the next level and start doing something that I am good at and add some fun twist to it. There will be sacrifices to be made, there will be sleepless nights and hard work involved but it will all be worth it. Nothing that comes easy will stay for long therefore I am willing to work hard and have this next level of my life stay for a while.

So, with all of that being said, I am inviting you to stand by close to me in order for you to be able to share my next movement that will be glorious and fulfilling and all because I AM READY!

Peace and Love!

D.

In MY perfect world

Many times I look around me and by seeing how the world functions all I feel its sadness.If I would have the power I would make the world a perfect place by making everyone well, most everyone, happy by providing  a little more than the basic essentials such as food, shelter, clothing, health care and create space for self care. Self care does not have to be something we are afraid of or feel that we do not deserve. 

Everyone needs self care in whichever the format may come be it as simple as a bubble bath or just having a conversation with friends to going somewhere in a vacation either by themselves or with a bunch of friends. Whatever the case may be in MY perfect world people will have room for self care. Personally I deprive myself of luxurious self care methods simply because I cannot afford it. My best self care practice is getting a pedicure late at night in the comfort of my own home. It may sound unusual to some and many have asked me why I'm not going to a parlor and get it done as it shall be less work for me since someone else will be working on my feet giving me a chance to relax. I don't see it that way. Besides the fact that I could go home with Lord knows what from the other person before me that the utensils had been used on and not properly cleaned (Yuck), I get a chance to look at my feet, to caress my sole and my toes and massage them as they really deserve it. My feet take me places and carry my body (my temple) where I need to go and they get to be looking pretty especially during the summer when I have to wear an open toe shoe. Yes, I love my feet and I feel that they deserve the best and the most suitable candidate of providing the best IS me. I also feel that by getting a chance to touch them its a good way to reflect on where my feet had taken me (the beach, school, job interviews, work, outdoors, dates, weddings, restaurants, hospitals, funerals, happy and sad places) and what I have accomplished by me getting there. It gives me a chance to thank them for providing the ability to move me places, to take me away from the ordinary, to help me escape situations where I had to run to be safe or to just take me places where I needed to be at that particular moment. When I am home and its all quiet I feel my feet thanking me while they rest in warm water mixed with Epsom salts and tea tree oil. While I get to clean them I feel them getting lighter and while I massage them I feel their ability to "breathe" easily and "thanking" me for taking care of them. And the funnest part, when I apply red nail polish (always red for me),  I feel my feet "smiling" and "giggling" as I make them feel special ~ the same special feeling they give me when I accomplished my goals because they have carried me places.

Yes, taking care of Self should not be a chore but a chance to get to know Self better and to take the time to say "Thank You!" to ourselves for the great accomplishments we have achieved. After all if we do not do it, how can we expect someone else to and expect them to do it perfectly? And although I may not change the world by taking care of my feet, I damn sure will be more prepared for whatever life will throw at me if I am more capable to STAND UP! I know that my feet is MY self care but I encourage you to find yours and don't forget to Thank Yourself Now! Your Mind, Body and Soul will Thank You After! 

Love!

D.

Living In The NOW

I am constantly reminded by practically everyone around me of the days to come and the things that I have to do for tomorrow and for the days ahead. What I have been asking myself lately is that why isn’t anyone concentrating on today, on NOW, this moment? So I am taking the matter into my own hands and I will be living my life according to MY RULES...Living In The NOW! I figured it must be simple and guess what? I am right. I am not saying to rule out some things that matter for the future such as financial stability and a good sense of self, however when it comes to my everyday life I want to live in the moment and make EVERY moment count. I know that the Creator will make me a better person because by appreciating what I have in front of me will assist me into realizing that the small things do make a big difference in the long run. Taking the time will help me improve on myself starting with the inner self. Lately I have been rushing through things and taking a lot of time for other people to be of assistance to their needs that I have forgotten of my own needs in the process and that had contributed to me running low on energy for myself. So after analyzing a few things I have come up with the conclusion that Living In The NOW will allow me to do the following:

• Take better care of myself which will allow me to take better care of my children
• Be more aware of my needs which will allow me to be more aware of my children’s needs
• Create a better person out of me which will help me rule out the people that I need to eliminate out of my life, you know the ones that always want to take but never want to give back in return.

Yes, Living In The NOW will allow me to become the person that I want to be and that in its own will improve my future. So from now on when I will hear someone talking to me about my future my question for them will be: “What have you done for yourself lately? “

And This Is ME Living In The Now!

I'm still living in the NOW!

From past experiences I realised that life is full of surprises but having the right support makes a crucial difference on what we become as individuals. To give you an example, let me tell you a little about my past. When I came to Canada, 16 years ago, I had nothing in my pocket and I wasn't equipped with knowledge about life either, at least not equipped with the lifestyle here, in Canada. I didn't speak the language, didn't have any friends, I was an outkast amongst my fellow Romanians as they were cooler than me simply because they came here before I did and obviously they knew much more than me about the Canadian way. I tried to make friends with many of them but it was hard because as much as I tried I did not feel like I belonged. My lifestyle at home was diferent than what they will encounter with their own families. They thought I was this lucky young woman to have it all, when in reality I didn't have anything, not even control over my own thoughts. I was controlled by my father and that wasn't easy at all. So, after a few years, I realised that in order for me to become myself I needed to separate myself from that environment but in order to do that successfully I needed encouragement. I needed to feel empowered. I was lucky to have my sister that gave me strenght. It is hard to believe sometimes that my sister and I have a relationship more than a friendly one, but her and I had been through a lot together. She had been there for me and I had been there for her to the best of my abilities. So here she was being my right hand, what I needed to be able to move forward to finding myself. It was a long journey and not easy at all. But with her help I have become the woman I am today, not to say Im perfect in any way or that my sister and I don't fight, because that would be a lie, but as far as I am concerned her and I have gone thorugh a lot together and that's what made us bond even more. Our relationship is not perfect but it is Honest, more that what most posses in their relationships with whomever.

I give thanks to my sister for her support. I challenge you to find your own "sister" to support you because as much as we don't want to admit it, we all need someone to be there for us in challenging times.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I don't even know many times. I think the best answer to that would be a better person. If I have to sit here and think about the many things that I could become it will take a long time to do so because I want to do so much; I want to change the world into a better place if I could do it on my own but in being a better person will allow me to be my best at whatever I may chose to do in life starting with being a better mother, daughter, sister, friend...

Still living in the NOW!

Peace and Love.

D.

Life

Why are we here? Why were we born? Did you ever ask yourself this question? I have! Today!



My friend's dad had died today and although I didn't know him well, I know that he was a good man. He took care of his ill wife for decades now and that is admirable. His daughter, my friend, has been taking care of them both ever since! No one has ever expected him to die today! Everyone expected his wife to go first.

The point I'm trying to make here is we never know when we are going to go so make the best of it! That's what I intend to do! Life is sweet but short. Take advantage of the things we are given and enjoy the small things don't sweat it. Forget about the material stuff, we can't take it with us when we go! It's what's inside that matters!

Peace and Love to all of you!

~ Doina ~