Experiencing Greatness

It has come to my realization that people in general feel that they must have the material things in order to be accepted as individuals. There are so many people out there that are far greater than they give themselves credit for. What they need to remember is that they are not what they have is what they hold inside that matters most. Although it is true that you need those material things in order to just be, however once the spirit is broken nothing will replace it yet the material things can be bought again and again.

I remember when I came to Canada with $50 in my pocket between my sister and I and although I have failed a few times since, I rose again and again. I give that credit to the people around me as they have lifted me and helped me see my strengths and greatness in me.My last failure was picking the bad apple to be my life partner where in return he left me broke and having to live in a shelter with my two children. There are days I still feel broken and I still resent myself for not being able to see what he was about before it went the wrong route. Live and learn some might say, yet I feel that I need to take the blame and move on. I certainly do not want to have to go thorough the same situation again so I fight daily to go forward. It is not easy to be in a battle with life the way I am yet I feel that I have also accomplished a lot since. Three years ago I was so unhappy and crying daily not knowing what is going to happen to me and my children. The anniversary of when it all became "reality" and saw what the other person was capable of is around the corner. I have bitter sweet feeling towards it. I celebrated last year by going out to dinner on my own and reflecting on what I have become and where do I want to go. As it was stated in the movie "Antoine Fisher" I say to myself at times: "I'm still standing! I'm still strong!" Truth of the matter is that I am strong and that my life experiences, however bad they were, did not prevent me from being me. Yes, I have fears and I am scared! Yes, I feel that things should've been different today should I have not made bad decisions! Yet, it is the past that crafted me to the woman and mother that I am today!

I am living proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that life doesn't end when crisis arises, it only shifted me in a different direction and many times over it was teaching me a lesson.

Watching the video below it prompted me to see that I am not the only one who have been slapped by life and many other people have had it worst than me. I am sure you can relate.

 

Remember: You're still standing! You're still strong! 

New Year's Resolutions

2012 is almost here and so are the new year's resolutions that most people make and only few keep. Why is it so hard to keep them? Why set resolutions if there are no intentions on keeping them?

Personally I make resolutions each year and I keep it simple: I want to be a better person than I was the previous year. Sounds simple, right? Let me put it in perspective. To be a better person for me means that I have to be a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, a better mate, a better friend and a better business person. Now that sounds like a lot, doesn't it? It is but it's not impossible. This year I have a plan to make it all work...I will avoid all the unnecessary things and people, in other words: Prioritize!

I have decided to create a vision board to see where my future will take me ahead of time. I will not have only one but multiple boards. One of them will be created with my children to make sure they will understand where we are all going in life. One of my long time goals is to provide my children with opportunities I never had before. I want to make sure they understand what success is and what it means to fall through the cracks sometimes because what it really comes down to is how we get up after we fall that makes us who we are. Therefore, my priority this year, just like few years that past, is to become a better person, not only for me but for the people in my life!

What are your priorities for 2012?

 

Experiencing "Different"

The other day I was in the subway station rushing to make it on time for an appointment. From a distance I noticed how there was a woman asking for directions left, right and center. Everyone she would ask would reply with an "I don't know!". By the time the subway came she asked about five people for directions and how she should go about reaching her destination. As the subway approached the station everyone started to ignore her and were rushing to get in while moving on with their lives. The woman asking for directions got frustrated and started screaming at everyone, me included, that how come no one is willing to take the time to show her the way. By that time the subway doors were closing and she was left in agony at the subway stop. Slowly slowly she would become smaller and smaller but her pain was still immense as she was standing there with her hands holding her face and she was probably crying. I felt responsible and she was on my mind after that. I took the subway back to see if she was still there asking for help. She wasn't there anymore.  She vanished into the unknown.

I am still thinking of this woman and how difficult must have been for her. Her English wasn't all that good either. I remember when I came to Canada seventeen years ago and how tough it was for me too. I didn't understand what people were saying and that was frustrating enough. I was isolated because I was somewhat afraid of getting lost in the unknown. How would I be able to get home after that? It was scary!

As a society we have become so isolated into our own worlds that we fail to take the time to lend a helping hand to strangers. Media had made us believe that everyone is bad and all of that just made us feel more isolated. We fail to think that that lost person could be us someday. Just imagine being in a place where the language and people are unfamiliar. How difficult it could be! How scary! If we just try to put ourselves in other people's shoes we realize that helping someone could also mean that we help ourselves. We gain a lot more from helping others rather than ignoring opportunities of supporting each other. The world will be a better place if we take the time to show compassion. It will be returned to us in more ways than we can possibly think of.

I encourage everyone to take the time to help at least one person that asks for help. Analyze how it feels. Do not look at reward from that same person as they might pay it forward to someone else, do it just because you are training yourself in the art of helping others. After some time stop and look at how much you gained out of this experience. You might be surprised to find out that you have also receive help from someone else and it felt good. Do it! Just Do It!

Practice Love!

D.

Embracing Life Experiences

Don't cry because it's over

Smile because it happened 

(I am not entirely sure who said that) 

First time I heard that was about a year ago, when one of my really good friends now said that to me while it was her last day at work. I was really sad that she was about to leave as she was my life line there. I am definitely happy that my time at the work place I was working at then is long over and believe it or not I am smiling at the whole experience. 

Think about it, if it wasn't for that work place I would have never had the opportunity to meet her. At the same time I would have never learned about the importance of employee appreciation at work.

There are many times in life we go through different experiences. What it is hard to realize, for most of us, is that we are there for a reason and that is to learn, to grow. As we break through these experiences we learn a lot about ourselves and the people around us. In business we learn about who we can trust to be our partners and who we can feel more comfortable working with. In personal life we learn about who we can trust with our everyday lives, our secrets. 

With that being said, next time you are in a situation where you feel you have no idea why you are there, start looking for the reason as there is always one. Ask yourself what are you supposed to learn from that experience. There is always something to take away from it although some things are better off left behind.  

Love.

D. 

In the news!

I have followed the news lately and I was quite happy with the results. I usually do not follow the news broadcast hour as it passes on appalling information and I am not interested in twisted reality. However I have to admit that what has happened in Egypt recently it was and still is good news.

I was taken back a few years when I was back home in Romania and going through a similar scenario. On December 18, 1989 the people’s revolution took place in Romania. I remember the day when it was announced on the radio and as I was hearing the news cast giving us the news about what it was happening at that time I was having mixed feelings as I wasn’t entirely sure if I was allowed to express myself freely.  Here is how I grew up, just an insight so that you will know why I was feeling the way I was on that day:

• We were not allowed to vote and if we were voting there was no other choice but the Communist Party;
• ·         We were not allowed to express how we felt or say out loud what we thought of our rights;
• ·         Artists, writers, poets, newscasts and any other outspoken people were tortured and killed for speaking their minds and demanding their rights ;
• ·         School curriculum was washed out to the  point that we did not know what our real history was;
• ·         Religion was practiced at our own risk and if we wanted to be a part of certain careers such as army or medicine for example we were forced to take an oath that that person and all members of the family will not be entering a church or practice religion of any form;
• ·         Women did not have rights over their own bodies. Any form of contraception was nonexistent and women were forced to have children; it did not matter whether the woman had a planned or unplanned pregnancy. As soon as the doctor would confirm a pregnancy the communist security would come to the residence and check on the woman every month until she will deliver the baby to make sure she would not have an abortion. After the baby was born however, no one cared whether the baby would have the basic necessities to survive not to mention to give them the support to strive.
• ·         Many women were forced to have underground abortions as they could not afford the baby or they might’ve been raped. Because the procedure was not done in a hospital setting many women have died as some of the men that were performing these abortions were not even close to being qualified to being doctors. Some were mechanics.  When a woman would have an underground abortion and the things turned for the worst if the doctors realized the reason why she needed assistance she was left to die in the hospital as those were the orders from the communist security.  Those incidents were supposed to teach other women a lesson.
• ·         Food was not existent in the stores. Although we had the advantage of appreciating fruits and vegetables that were in season, we couldn’t even buy simple things on a daily basis such as bread, eggs , milk and cheese to name a few. When we were lucky enough to have some of these foods in the stores there were huge line-ups and in some cases a few people died while in the line-ups because they were just too hungry. People became wild and they were walking on everyone to that would stand in their way from feeding their families.
• ·         Clothes and shoes were somewhat of a rarity as well. We would have to know someone that knows someone that knows someone in order to be able to buy regular clothing, nevermind brand names.  Most of the times we would wear hand-me-downs from older cousins and/or neighbours. Fortunately we didn’t have the media to make us jealous of what others would have and we couldn’t even get to see up close and personal.
• ·         I remember growing up my mother telling me how I will get in trouble for asking so many questions. I would always want to understand everything and not just accepting what others would tell me. Yes, I was a rebel from long time but that was a bad thing growing up!

These here are just a few examples of what went on during the Communist Regime from my memory as a child. My heart sure goes out to the people in Middle East right now and I sure hope they will take the democracy seriously and not become victims of the system again.

Not having the right to speak up/express ourselves in itself is a violation of human rights.

Not having to basic essentials is a violation of human rights.

Peace be with you! 

All grown up

Yesterday, as I went to pick up my children from the daycare, I had a wake up call: my kids are all grown up!




My oldest daughter, Sarah, is acting like a little lady and a pre-teen all in one. Yes, she's a package! She wants to have the privilege of being a little lady when it comes to making decisions for her. At the same time she does not know what the best decision to make is. I believe that children her age still need guidance in order to make the best decision. She also is a little hesitant in accepting consequences. She believes that there shouldn't be any! As a parent, I am a firm believer that children should have the option to make their own decisions in SOME cases. There are however situations when she does not have a say in the matter, especially when it comes to her safety. What I hate the most is that some people like to come in and tell me what is the decision for her to make and what is not...that is for ME to decide as I know best especially when it comes to her personality. My only fear is that I may fail at being a good parent. I was watching a show last night and the teenage boy in that show was a good kid and the mother (single mother just like me) was trying the best she could but she still was making mistakes as to the decisions of disciplining she was choosing to follow. Will I know what to do when the time comes fro me to raise a teenager? I guess time will tell!



My youngest daughter, Maya, had moved from the toddler room to the junior preschool room in the daycare. I went to the toddler room and I am not seeing her there. I ask about her and the care taker tells me that she had not returned for the day when she went visiting the preschool room. A feeling of joy mixed with sadness had filled my heart. Really? Where did the time go? I went to the preschool room and as I am there looking at her enjoying herself I just wish that she will stay the same, but that means I am being selfish. Is it wrong to not want my children to grow up? She is giving me hugs and kisses all the time. She sees me as the center of her world. Would that change as she will grow? May be but I do love my children enough to allow them to grow and not just in age. I know that I will miss the hugs, the kisses, the closeness, the need to have mommy close by and all of that good stuff that I am getting now from my children. Maya is still allowing me to enjoy all the things that a baby is giving their mother although Sarah is all grown up and wanting her independence. What I know for sure that as babies and as grown women my children will bring me the satisfaction of being their mother as they will grow themselves and different stages will show up, sometimes unannounced.



I love my children; anyone that knows me well enough will know this. I love the fact that they are in my life to allow me to parent them, to teach them and to help them grow. I feel blessed to be able to be a parent, the best one that I know how. I feel blessed to teach my children what I know and be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on and laugh with them when we all share our good memories.



And the memories together will be the ones that I am blessed to have because I am their mother.



D.

Today

I am geting ready for my exam and I am totally unprepared for it. Yes, I do have a B+ average so far and that should help...That was just random.

Holidays are approaching and I am as prepared as I will ever be. I want to bring out this year the real meaning of the Holidays and not just because I am totally broke but also for the fact that I want my children to understand that REAL meaning of it. We are not going to buy any gifts and I didn't buy any as of yet. We are not expecting any gifts and I had made it clear to my friends not to bother. We are, however going to have a feast and we will be making all kinds of foods from back home. We will be baking and the kids will be included in the making of this food and we will be giving thanks to the All Mighty for providing us with the abundance of the things we will have on our table.

Just as it was growing up, we will be warming up all of the food on the morning of Christmas Day and the kids will have an opportunity to sample all the foods that we will be making. We will be going to church to say our blessings. I do not want to forget my spiritual side and I want to introduce my children to it as well. It is in fact what kept me sane all these years, I want the same for my kids.

I am soo excited for my Christmas Day! Looking forward to spending it with my family and the ones that I consider family!


Peace and Love!

D.

Resolutions

2010 had been a year that I will never forget. Many ups and downs that I have had to deal with, many friendships made and some lost and the power of moving forward that I have come to own.

The ups and downs were just things that I have dealt with whether they were new things or things that I had to finalize and move away from. I have to say that although it had been hard, I am proud of what I have accomplished this year and one thing in particular is my "finding" of myself that I can honestly say I am happy with...myself.

Let me talk a little bit about the friendships and when it comes to the ones that I have lost, well they are lost for a good reason...expiration date had been long gone but I had forgotten to discard the people that were somewhat poison in my life. When people do not contribute to my growing I have learned that it is better to let them go and move on. I don't mean to sound cruel but if I do not take care of myself no one else is. Everyone is out there taking care of themselves and here I was taking care of everyone else but me. It is time I raise my hand and stand up. My time has come to grow. And that I will be doing.

Moving forward comes hand in hand with the issues above and also with the fact that I have learned to deal with those things first hand.

Resolutions for the new year are just a continuum of the last year's resolutions and that is for me to be ME and  have the power to know the difference.

Peace and Love.

D.

Starting new

I feel that I need to bring about new changes, new beginnings and new things in my life.

Throughout my entire life I have done so many different things in order to make money; things like working in a field picking fruits from the trees and vegetables off the ground; to working as a waitress in my father's pizza parlor; to working on high end salons as a hairdresser; to working as a childcare provider; to being involved in social service sector assisting with diverse aspects implementing tasks such as fundraising, developing, coordinating, outreaching and facilitating programs in order to assist clients facing various issues. Many of the people that know me well can testify to the different places I have been throughout my life and many can say that I have done my job well. The latter task I was involved in felt natural to me: Helping people is something that I can honestly say I am good at and I do it even if it means working extra hours and at times I have done it for less than pennies. Even though I was left broke, at the end of the day it felt good to know that someone's life had been changed for the better because of my influence. 


Now it is time for me to move on to the next level and start doing something that I am good at and add some fun twist to it. There will be sacrifices to be made, there will be sleepless nights and hard work involved but it will all be worth it. Nothing that comes easy will stay for long therefore I am willing to work hard and have this next level of my life stay for a while.

So, with all of that being said, I am inviting you to stand by close to me in order for you to be able to share my next movement that will be glorious and fulfilling and all because I AM READY!

Peace and Love!

D.

In MY perfect world

Many times I look around me and by seeing how the world functions all I feel its sadness.If I would have the power I would make the world a perfect place by making everyone well, most everyone, happy by providing  a little more than the basic essentials such as food, shelter, clothing, health care and create space for self care. Self care does not have to be something we are afraid of or feel that we do not deserve. 

Everyone needs self care in whichever the format may come be it as simple as a bubble bath or just having a conversation with friends to going somewhere in a vacation either by themselves or with a bunch of friends. Whatever the case may be in MY perfect world people will have room for self care. Personally I deprive myself of luxurious self care methods simply because I cannot afford it. My best self care practice is getting a pedicure late at night in the comfort of my own home. It may sound unusual to some and many have asked me why I'm not going to a parlor and get it done as it shall be less work for me since someone else will be working on my feet giving me a chance to relax. I don't see it that way. Besides the fact that I could go home with Lord knows what from the other person before me that the utensils had been used on and not properly cleaned (Yuck), I get a chance to look at my feet, to caress my sole and my toes and massage them as they really deserve it. My feet take me places and carry my body (my temple) where I need to go and they get to be looking pretty especially during the summer when I have to wear an open toe shoe. Yes, I love my feet and I feel that they deserve the best and the most suitable candidate of providing the best IS me. I also feel that by getting a chance to touch them its a good way to reflect on where my feet had taken me (the beach, school, job interviews, work, outdoors, dates, weddings, restaurants, hospitals, funerals, happy and sad places) and what I have accomplished by me getting there. It gives me a chance to thank them for providing the ability to move me places, to take me away from the ordinary, to help me escape situations where I had to run to be safe or to just take me places where I needed to be at that particular moment. When I am home and its all quiet I feel my feet thanking me while they rest in warm water mixed with Epsom salts and tea tree oil. While I get to clean them I feel them getting lighter and while I massage them I feel their ability to "breathe" easily and "thanking" me for taking care of them. And the funnest part, when I apply red nail polish (always red for me),  I feel my feet "smiling" and "giggling" as I make them feel special ~ the same special feeling they give me when I accomplished my goals because they have carried me places.

Yes, taking care of Self should not be a chore but a chance to get to know Self better and to take the time to say "Thank You!" to ourselves for the great accomplishments we have achieved. After all if we do not do it, how can we expect someone else to and expect them to do it perfectly? And although I may not change the world by taking care of my feet, I damn sure will be more prepared for whatever life will throw at me if I am more capable to STAND UP! I know that my feet is MY self care but I encourage you to find yours and don't forget to Thank Yourself Now! Your Mind, Body and Soul will Thank You After! 

Love!

D.

Reflections

I'm laying on the floor feeling the coldness of the hardwood. I started to breathe. I tried to clear my mind to eliminate the negative thought that are coming through my mind about my life. Although it feels hard to believe that I have achieved so much so far, I feel as if I am looking at another better person that me. It is me, in fact, the one that I am looking at. I breathe again, I let the air feel my stomach. I feel the toxins coming out of my body as I breathe out. I breathe again, and this time I feel a tear escaping my eye. Why? Because all the negative thoughts, actions and feelings are coming out of me. OUT! I know I am strong and I can do anything, and YES I am realizing, again, that the strong one that I am looking at it is me. Yes I have done it, I have made it through tougher situations but I am tired. I remind myself of the tiredness that I feel through my body. More tears escape my soul and the more tears are coming out the better I feel. I needed this cry. I needed to feel, I needed to experience...and I felt, I experienced...

I feel wings of courage coming to take me to where I need to go. Yes, I can do this. I WILL do this. My vision of myself is where it needs to be at this time. I was supposed to learn something and I have learned it. I am STRONG! And that in itself it is more than what others posses.

STRENGTH TO BE ME...TO ACHIEVE...TO JUST BE!

D.