This Mother's Day, Tell Your Mama

For immediate release

May 4, 2012

Ernestine’s Women’sShelter offers you a fun way to Tell YourMama

(TORONTO) If you’ve ever experienced the Mother’s Day dilemma about what to do for your mom to let her know how much you appreciate her, you need look no further for an answer. 

Ernestine’s, a shelter for abused women and children since 1983, is providing a fun opportunity to let your mother know that you are thinking about her with the Tell Your Mama email campaign. 

Led by the shelter’s Community Engagement Team, Tell Your Mama is a playful way to engage the friends of the shelter, increase awareness of violence against women and raise much-needed funds. 

“Letting your mom know you love her in your own special way is what this campaign is all about,” says Chevaunise Toney, Coordinator, Community Engagement & Finance, “And it’s so easy.  Simply visit the Ernestine’s website www.ernestine.ca  and click on Tell Your Mama.  Make a donation of $25 and follow the instructions on how to post a message to your mama.  Either I or another team member will post that message on our special online Tell Your Mama Message Board.”

“The impact of violence on the lives of women and children has been off the front pages for the last decade or so,” adds Jill Cunningham, Director of Community Engagement & Finance for the shelter.

“Now, more than ever, we need the community to come together to say no to violence against women. That’s why our priority in 2012 is to use every tool available to raise to build a strong supporter base that not only helps women who are abused, but raises awareness among a generation of young people that violence against women is wrong and has no part in any relationship.  Tell Your Mama is an important part of that.”

Check out Tell Your Mama at http://www.ernestines.ca/take-action/tell-your-mama

 

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For more information contact Jill Cunningham, financedirector@ernestines.ca , 416-743-1733 ext 2010 or Chevaunise Toney, adminassistant@ernestines.ca, 416-743-1733 ext 2011.

Experiencing Greatness

It has come to my realization that people in general feel that they must have the material things in order to be accepted as individuals. There are so many people out there that are far greater than they give themselves credit for. What they need to remember is that they are not what they have is what they hold inside that matters most. Although it is true that you need those material things in order to just be, however once the spirit is broken nothing will replace it yet the material things can be bought again and again.

I remember when I came to Canada with $50 in my pocket between my sister and I and although I have failed a few times since, I rose again and again. I give that credit to the people around me as they have lifted me and helped me see my strengths and greatness in me.My last failure was picking the bad apple to be my life partner where in return he left me broke and having to live in a shelter with my two children. There are days I still feel broken and I still resent myself for not being able to see what he was about before it went the wrong route. Live and learn some might say, yet I feel that I need to take the blame and move on. I certainly do not want to have to go thorough the same situation again so I fight daily to go forward. It is not easy to be in a battle with life the way I am yet I feel that I have also accomplished a lot since. Three years ago I was so unhappy and crying daily not knowing what is going to happen to me and my children. The anniversary of when it all became "reality" and saw what the other person was capable of is around the corner. I have bitter sweet feeling towards it. I celebrated last year by going out to dinner on my own and reflecting on what I have become and where do I want to go. As it was stated in the movie "Antoine Fisher" I say to myself at times: "I'm still standing! I'm still strong!" Truth of the matter is that I am strong and that my life experiences, however bad they were, did not prevent me from being me. Yes, I have fears and I am scared! Yes, I feel that things should've been different today should I have not made bad decisions! Yet, it is the past that crafted me to the woman and mother that I am today!

I am living proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that life doesn't end when crisis arises, it only shifted me in a different direction and many times over it was teaching me a lesson.

Watching the video below it prompted me to see that I am not the only one who have been slapped by life and many other people have had it worst than me. I am sure you can relate.

 

Remember: You're still standing! You're still strong! 

New Year's Resolutions

2012 is almost here and so are the new year's resolutions that most people make and only few keep. Why is it so hard to keep them? Why set resolutions if there are no intentions on keeping them?

Personally I make resolutions each year and I keep it simple: I want to be a better person than I was the previous year. Sounds simple, right? Let me put it in perspective. To be a better person for me means that I have to be a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, a better mate, a better friend and a better business person. Now that sounds like a lot, doesn't it? It is but it's not impossible. This year I have a plan to make it all work...I will avoid all the unnecessary things and people, in other words: Prioritize!

I have decided to create a vision board to see where my future will take me ahead of time. I will not have only one but multiple boards. One of them will be created with my children to make sure they will understand where we are all going in life. One of my long time goals is to provide my children with opportunities I never had before. I want to make sure they understand what success is and what it means to fall through the cracks sometimes because what it really comes down to is how we get up after we fall that makes us who we are. Therefore, my priority this year, just like few years that past, is to become a better person, not only for me but for the people in my life!

What are your priorities for 2012?

 

Experiencing "Different"

The other day I was in the subway station rushing to make it on time for an appointment. From a distance I noticed how there was a woman asking for directions left, right and center. Everyone she would ask would reply with an "I don't know!". By the time the subway came she asked about five people for directions and how she should go about reaching her destination. As the subway approached the station everyone started to ignore her and were rushing to get in while moving on with their lives. The woman asking for directions got frustrated and started screaming at everyone, me included, that how come no one is willing to take the time to show her the way. By that time the subway doors were closing and she was left in agony at the subway stop. Slowly slowly she would become smaller and smaller but her pain was still immense as she was standing there with her hands holding her face and she was probably crying. I felt responsible and she was on my mind after that. I took the subway back to see if she was still there asking for help. She wasn't there anymore.  She vanished into the unknown.

I am still thinking of this woman and how difficult must have been for her. Her English wasn't all that good either. I remember when I came to Canada seventeen years ago and how tough it was for me too. I didn't understand what people were saying and that was frustrating enough. I was isolated because I was somewhat afraid of getting lost in the unknown. How would I be able to get home after that? It was scary!

As a society we have become so isolated into our own worlds that we fail to take the time to lend a helping hand to strangers. Media had made us believe that everyone is bad and all of that just made us feel more isolated. We fail to think that that lost person could be us someday. Just imagine being in a place where the language and people are unfamiliar. How difficult it could be! How scary! If we just try to put ourselves in other people's shoes we realize that helping someone could also mean that we help ourselves. We gain a lot more from helping others rather than ignoring opportunities of supporting each other. The world will be a better place if we take the time to show compassion. It will be returned to us in more ways than we can possibly think of.

I encourage everyone to take the time to help at least one person that asks for help. Analyze how it feels. Do not look at reward from that same person as they might pay it forward to someone else, do it just because you are training yourself in the art of helping others. After some time stop and look at how much you gained out of this experience. You might be surprised to find out that you have also receive help from someone else and it felt good. Do it! Just Do It!

Practice Love!

D.

All grown up

Yesterday, as I went to pick up my children from the daycare, I had a wake up call: my kids are all grown up!




My oldest daughter, Sarah, is acting like a little lady and a pre-teen all in one. Yes, she's a package! She wants to have the privilege of being a little lady when it comes to making decisions for her. At the same time she does not know what the best decision to make is. I believe that children her age still need guidance in order to make the best decision. She also is a little hesitant in accepting consequences. She believes that there shouldn't be any! As a parent, I am a firm believer that children should have the option to make their own decisions in SOME cases. There are however situations when she does not have a say in the matter, especially when it comes to her safety. What I hate the most is that some people like to come in and tell me what is the decision for her to make and what is not...that is for ME to decide as I know best especially when it comes to her personality. My only fear is that I may fail at being a good parent. I was watching a show last night and the teenage boy in that show was a good kid and the mother (single mother just like me) was trying the best she could but she still was making mistakes as to the decisions of disciplining she was choosing to follow. Will I know what to do when the time comes fro me to raise a teenager? I guess time will tell!



My youngest daughter, Maya, had moved from the toddler room to the junior preschool room in the daycare. I went to the toddler room and I am not seeing her there. I ask about her and the care taker tells me that she had not returned for the day when she went visiting the preschool room. A feeling of joy mixed with sadness had filled my heart. Really? Where did the time go? I went to the preschool room and as I am there looking at her enjoying herself I just wish that she will stay the same, but that means I am being selfish. Is it wrong to not want my children to grow up? She is giving me hugs and kisses all the time. She sees me as the center of her world. Would that change as she will grow? May be but I do love my children enough to allow them to grow and not just in age. I know that I will miss the hugs, the kisses, the closeness, the need to have mommy close by and all of that good stuff that I am getting now from my children. Maya is still allowing me to enjoy all the things that a baby is giving their mother although Sarah is all grown up and wanting her independence. What I know for sure that as babies and as grown women my children will bring me the satisfaction of being their mother as they will grow themselves and different stages will show up, sometimes unannounced.



I love my children; anyone that knows me well enough will know this. I love the fact that they are in my life to allow me to parent them, to teach them and to help them grow. I feel blessed to be able to be a parent, the best one that I know how. I feel blessed to teach my children what I know and be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on and laugh with them when we all share our good memories.



And the memories together will be the ones that I am blessed to have because I am their mother.



D.

New Challenges

Last night I started writing about how last year, around this time, I took this trip away from the ordinary for 24 hours and how amazing it was. I decided to change the subject today and talk about something else: love.

What is love anyways? I never understood love. I was watching this documentary about love and how we need to love ourselves and let the love of God guide us on what love is. I have followed these women talk about love and although many of them seemed happy, some of them were quite disappointed I could say. Many of them were at the age where they did not have children although they wish they had some and it was quite possibly too late for them to even conceive. Many of them did not want to have children but they wanted to have that special someone to be around them when they are home for the lonely days. Many of the women that were showcased in the documentary were professionals and they were very successful. I guess in order for a woman to be successful she must sacrifice the family that she always dreamed of. It is a sad reality that as women we have to sacrifice so much to become someone. One thing that gets me regarding my life is when people, especially other women, judge women for the decisions that they make. From my studies I have learned that in the past women have gone through so much to be where they are today and still, we have to sacrifice and accept things or better yet, challenge things from our own lives to become who we we are intended to be.

I have made my decision earlier in life to have children and I have two beautiful and smart daughters that I am very proud of. It is very tough to be the sole parent to them and the only support that I get is my mother and my sister. I sometimes fear that someday, when they will all be grown up, my daughters will not have the tools and the knowledge to be who they are meant to be. I do the best that I know. I do the best that I can. I do MY best. I love my daughters unconditionally and I take my role as a parent serious.

As far as career goes, I am on my way to the top and although it is hard to do it in my situation I don't look at it as impossible. I look at it as challenging. And I love a good challenge, I mean after all these years I am a pro at challenges. There are many new things I am going to take on this year like following my dreams and take the necessary steps in doing so. YES! I am excited!

When it comes to relationship with that significant other...it has got to wait until that "other" will be the one to enhance my dreams and support my challenges. Being single is giving me the power to think and to move forward without having to wait for someone to be at the same level that I am. I am not saying I am closing my door but instead I am focusing on what is important. When that significant other will show up the door is unlocked. I am happy with myself, by myself. I am happy that I get to have my health and my motivation to move forward. I am happy that I am happy o.O

In conclusion, I am looking forward to the new year and what it has to offer. I am looking forward to overcoming my challenges and to be spending the time with my children. I am looking forward to spending time with my family and my friends. i am looking forward to making new friends and new relationships with people that will be meaningful. Life is beautiful and I am happy to be in it!



Love D.

What is Love?

I have been asking myself this question for many years not understanding the concept of love.

I have had many people explain to me what love is supposed to be, feel or what I should expect from love. I have encountered a few occasions where I had though that I was in love. But the truth is I have never loved anyone. I have been in a few relationships lasting anywhere from 8 months to 3 years with a few dates here and there but I cannot say that I have loved any of this men. How could I? In the end I have been lied to, cheated on, treated like a second class citizen, abused to name a few. The feeling that I had for them was just an illusion, a want and a need to feel accepted and wanted by someone so I have given so much of me that I do not have anything left to give.

I have taken time to learn that the only love that matters is my love for myself and that love is the only true love. I have learned that in order for me to have the ability to love someone I have to know what love feels like and loving myself is what unconditional love is. Yes, Yes, Yes...I feel Free! I feel Liberated! I am me and I love myself. I don't know if I will really love someone the way I love myself, but what I know for sure is that in loving myself I will be ensured that I receive the love that I need and that I will not settle for substitutes. On another note, I really do not want to settle for someone that has a lot of issues to work on unless he is taking the necessary steps in working on these issues himself and start already. There is nothing worst  than meeting someone that is nowhere near starting on working on his issues and knowing how far I have come, I will not back down for anyone.

For the one that is out there meant to be MY one, I'm here doing my thing and if it happens that we meet, that would be lovely...but until then I will continue loving myself because to me, that's what love is!

D.