Shimider Fistula: Obstructed Labour

Habiba Cooper Diallo at the Word On The Street 2011 

In honor of Black History Month I am going to write a book review written by a young aspiring writer Habiba Cooper Diallo. At the age 15 Habiba has traveled around the world a few times and her love for her ancestors is  remarkable. 

The book in review,  Shimider Fistula: Obstructed Labour, written by Habiba Cooper originally started as an 8th grade short story writing assignment. When speaking with Habiba about inspired her to write such story, this is what she had to say:

Obstetric fistula is a childbirth driven illness that results from an obstructed labour. The physical effects it has on the mother includes incontinence, genital ulceration, nerve damage and infections that can ultimately result in death if not treated. The baby is almost always still born due to lack of oxygen during labour. Fistula also has many extreme social and psychological implications. Most women affected by it are ostracized and abandoned by their communities due to the sever conditions it leaves them in, notably incontinence. This gives rise to psychological issues and many women resort to suicide. However, what is most disheartening about it all is that  obstetric fistula is a completely preventative illness. The women who are fistula patients lack adequate health care facilities. I was inspired to become an advocate for the issue about 4 years ago when I read an article about a young girl, Anafghat Ayouba, who suffered an obstetric fistula . Her story was very heart-rending this today I am passionate about creating public awareness about the issue to see the eradication of fistula.   

Habiba has been speaking on this issue through her soon to be released book during the Word On The Street 2011 Festival  . She captured the audience while reading her story with a great passion for this issue. The story is based in Ethiopia and it describes the journey of a woman who is pregnant and, while accompanied by two youngens, a boy and a girl, she is finally making it to the hospital to deliver the baby who has died on the way before she got the chance to give birth. Although the woman has a great chance at attaining medical attention for her obstetric fistula which she acquired through her painful labour, many women from these part of the world are not aware of the medical attention that they can receive to prevent and treat obstetric fistula. Generally women live in shame and segregated by the other citizen often living with a stigma of shame. 


The fact that someone as young as Habiba, a 15 years old, had taken upon herself to talk about this issue so openly it is a reason to admire today's youth. I hope to see a change and I am confident that her book will create the awareness needed for us to talk about this issue that women in under developed countries are facing in today's society. Please stay tuned for the upcoming book. Details to follow. Until then, if you would like to know more about fistula you can check out this link from The Fistula Foundation.


If you are wondering why I used this topic to talk about for the Black History Month well, here is why:

• Habiba is a very involved African/Caribbean/Canadian youth in the issues pertaining not only to fistula but to the Black history in general.
• Fistula is an issue predominantly taking place in  sun-Saharan Africa and Asia.

D. 

Experiencing Communication

When two or more people are involved in a conversation be it for personal or business purpose, communication is a crucial part of the experience.

In my opinion there is no effective way or tool on how to communicate if we cannot express ourselves by seeing what the others are seeing. When we become aware and understand others around us only then will we be able to communicate effectively. Two people can look at the same thing and see two different things. We cannot control what they see but we can try to understand what is it that they see and why. Not only will this procedure be more effective in understanding others but it will also enable us in producing results based communication.

Another reason why communication is a major part in our daily lives is to set up ground rules that we live by with respect to ourselves and others around us. When we communicate our desires and wants to the world we teach people how to treat us. It is up to us to send the message on how we want to be treated and therefore how we treat the ones around us. When we set up rules and also set up consequences and rewards for each rule that is when we learn our value and teach others about it as well. This part of communication by which we live it is a crucial part as we learn about ourselves and others along the way. It may take a life time to learn this part of communication, yet starting is the key because if we never have a starting point we will never be able to communicate effectively be it professionally or on a personal level.

What is your form of communication? Hey, sharing is caring so please feel free to 'communicate' on here.

D.

New Year's Resolutions

2012 is almost here and so are the new year's resolutions that most people make and only few keep. Why is it so hard to keep them? Why set resolutions if there are no intentions on keeping them?

Personally I make resolutions each year and I keep it simple: I want to be a better person than I was the previous year. Sounds simple, right? Let me put it in perspective. To be a better person for me means that I have to be a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, a better mate, a better friend and a better business person. Now that sounds like a lot, doesn't it? It is but it's not impossible. This year I have a plan to make it all work...I will avoid all the unnecessary things and people, in other words: Prioritize!

I have decided to create a vision board to see where my future will take me ahead of time. I will not have only one but multiple boards. One of them will be created with my children to make sure they will understand where we are all going in life. One of my long time goals is to provide my children with opportunities I never had before. I want to make sure they understand what success is and what it means to fall through the cracks sometimes because what it really comes down to is how we get up after we fall that makes us who we are. Therefore, my priority this year, just like few years that past, is to become a better person, not only for me but for the people in my life!

What are your priorities for 2012?

 

New Year ~ New Opportunities

Holidays are here and the new year is just around the corner. I'm really excited about what the new year is going to bring, most importantly what I have planned for myself:

* New Opportunities
* New Ventures
* New collaborations

Yes, that excites me about the new year. What excites you? What plans do you have for the new year?

December 6th~What It Means To Me

Guest blogger Stephanie Titus-Andrews, Professional Trainer and Life Coach from Created to Excel. 

December 6th is a solemn day in Canada.  Today, I pay homage to that day, and recount how it has affected my life.  My name is Stephanie, and I am a Victor over abuse.

            

We remember December 6th, 1989, because of a deranged man.  This man snuffed out the lives of fourteen innocent women.  That morning, those women and their families woke up and went through their normal routine.  They went to work, went to school or maybe stayed home, thinking that nothing out of the ordinary would happen that day.  But they were very wrong.  The mothers and fathers of those women never saw their baby girls again.  Some others lost a sister, a niece, a granddaughter, a friend.  They never got a chance to hug, kiss or say goodbye to their loved-one ever again.

           

Ironically, I got married that same year.  I did not even think about that until recently, as I was gathering facts for this blog.  I entered my years of torture just as these young women's torture was coming to an end.  The only difference was that no one knew my torture was as bad as it was.

            

What makes one person cross the line from anger to abuse?  We all get angry at some point in time.  By stating that fact, I, by no means, say that I am a saint in this category.  However, some people cross the line and really hurt other people while they are angry, either with words, their body, weapons, or all three.  And, although most people don't think about it, the damage done by words can be just as deadly as if a knife or a gun was used.

            

For many years, I had the weapon of words used against me.  Some people may say, "Why didn't you just stand up for yourself"?  If your self-esteem is non-existent in the first place, then it is very hard to stand up for yourself.  Combine that with my faith beliefs that a woman is to listen to her husband, then you have a potent-abuse cocktail.

           

For 23 years, I endured put-downs, criticism and jokes made at my expense.  Angry outbursts came and went without warning.  I mastered the art of crying into my pillow at night without being heard. Most people don't know that there is a "system" that abusers follow.  First there is a trigger event.  Nothing could have been wrong previously, it just happens when you least expect it.  Next, there is the flare-up.  The abuser will lash out with words, weapons, or both.  However, it is usually only at the female partner, and sometimes the children.  Finally, there is the honeymoon stage.  This is where the abuser will become repentant--but with a twist.  They might say things like, "I'm sorry Sweetie, but you just  make me so angry!"  Or, "If you'd just do this or that, I wouldn't get so angry all the time."  In other words, they are not sorry at all.  They are just looking to blame someone else.  The honeymoon stage may last for hours or years.  My "honeymoons" lasted for weeks, months and years.  Towards the end, it was lasting for hours.  As a result of the honeymoon stage, some women think, "It's not so bad.  Maybe I was just overreacting!" 

           

Generally, the main reason that a woman stays in an abusive relationship is money.  She does not believe that she can make it on her own.  I was no exception to this rule.  When I tried to further my education to make more money, I was badgered about spending time away from the family.  When I didn't work, I was lazy.  If I worked, I was negligent.  I couldn't win for losing!  As a result of going in and out of the job market, I never really advanced financially.

            

But, there comes a time when you either resign yourself to the fact that this is your plot in life (usually when you are older), or you say, "Enough is enough!"  After two attempts at leaving, including one shelter stay, I decided that I had had enough!  I did not have a lot of finances by any means, but I was determined that I was not going to put up with being put-down any more.  Surely, the God that I served had a bigger plan for my life!

            

After I left for the final time,  I stayed in a shelter far from where I had previously lived.  Although it was hard having two people stay in an 8'X10' room, I was thankful for the peace of mind.  My youngest daughter stayed with me, and we prayed for her two older siblings.  We also prayed for a specific type of place for us all to stay together. 

            

When I was ready to move on my own, December 6 touched my life once more.  Somewhere, someone thought that it would be great to start a fund for Greater Toronto Area women who were victims of abuse.  As a tribute to the women who died unnecessariIy, it was named the December 6 Fund.   The helpful counsellors at the shelter assured me that I met the Fund criteria.  After assisting me with the application process, I was able to benefit from the December 6 Fund.  This Fund is a non-interest bearing loan that women can pay back in small amounts, allowing them to get back on their feet.  I have further benefited at Christmas with gifts and gift cards to help my family and myself.  There is probably something in every room of my home that I have gotten with the assistance of the December 6 Fund.  I can truly say that, without this help, I would not be as far as I am on my  road to independence.  It was not just a handout, it was a hand up.

           

My prayer is that you see the problem of Violence Against Women, and help in some small way.  Abuse is not just physical.  There is also emotional, mental, financial, and even spiritual abuse.  There is probably someone in your life that you can think of who is living in an abusive situation.  These women  need anchors.  They need to know that someone will be there for them when they are ready to leave.  They may need financial help, or a place to stay.  But most of all, they will need emotional support and a shoulder to cry on when they finally decide to leave.  Don't give up on this friend or relative.  If you are a person of faith, pray! 

            

The abusive relationship is a very complex one.  Be an enlightened person and read up on abusive relationships.  Some books are listed at the bottom of this blog.  I did not have people in my life that knew about my situation.  This made it even harder to leave.  That is typical of an abusive relationship.  However, you can be atypical.  Make a difference in the life of a woman who is screaming on the inside.

            

Although innocent lives were lost on December 6th, 1989, a good Cause came out of that tragedy.  (I am in no way minimizing the fact that fourteen women died unnecessarily.)  I am now using my life to Coach women who are going through divorce, especially if there was some sort of abuse in the relationship.  I want to help these women to live empowered lives.  My goal is to show them  how to forgive the people who hurled rocks at them, even if the intent was to do damage.  By analyzing, forgiving, and moving on, these abused women can move from being victims to Vibrant Victors!  If I help just one woman, I have achieved my goal!

Stephanie Titus-Andrews

Recovery Coach, Speaker,

Author of 156 Days to Freedom

(Soon-to-be-released)

Why Does He Do That?, by Lundy Bancroft (A former domestic violence cop)

The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans

Not To People Like Us, by Dr. Susan Weitzman (upscale abuse)

Preventabusiverelationships.com, Dr. Jeanne King

Shrink4men.com, Dr. Tara J. Palmatier (for men in abusive relationships)

Please check out the following exhaustive Abusive Relationship Checklist.  It is American, but is by far one of the most in-depth ones that I have encountered. 

Stephanie is a great coach to women and men providing support when escaping an abusive relationships. She provides a monthly FREE call on a variety of related topics in addition to empowering workshops. For more information or to get in touch with her for an anonymous consultation please check out her website at CreatedToExcel.ca   

If you would like to support women and their children escaping abuse please visit www.ernestines.ca to support the 10 Great Men Campaign which will end on December 10.